Desire is not what matters, pleasure is what matters - if you create a context that allows your brain to interpret the world as a safe, fun, sexy, pleasurable place, you’ll create sex worth wanting. In order to keep desire, you need to maintain intimacy and make sex a priority. 

Human contact and attunement are essential to physical and emotional self-regulation. Traumatized human beings can recover in the context of relationships that provide physical and emotional safety without judgment. Whether that is with family, other loved ones, in group settings, or with the help of a professional therapist. The most important protection against trauma is being protected by the people who love you.

Every emotion has a story to tell, a message to convey. Fear warns us of potential danger, sadness signals loss and grief, anger indicates perceived injustice or boundary violations, and joy celebrates moments of connection and fulfillment. By attuning to our emotions, we become more adept at recognizing and deciphering their signals, allowing us to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. Mindfulness complements attunement by cultivating present-moment awareness without judgment, enabling us to observe our emotions with clarity and acceptance.

Sex in media is often portrayed as a spontaneous, flawless act that perfectly aligns with our fantasies. From movies to advertisements, we're bombarded with a specific, often unrealistic narrative about what sex should look like. However, to truly experience great sex, we must let go of these fairytales and embrace a more authentic, intentional approach. We must unlearn society’s "sexpectations" and discover how to have deeper, more fulfilling sexual connections. Based on the largest, in-depth interview study ever conducted with people who are having extraordinary sex, let’s unravel some of these misconceptions about sex.

The stress cycle, as explained by Emily Nagoski in her book "Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle," refers to the physiological and psychological processes that occur when we experience stress. It involves the activation of our body's stress response, often known as the fight or flight response, followed by the subsequent deactivation or relaxation response.

Parental bonding is the emotional connection and interactions between parents and their children during the early years of growth. It shapes how children perceive themselves, others, and the world around them. This bond is crucial because it lays the foundation for our mental and emotional well-being in the long run.

Rupture is part of any intimate relationship. When there are close connections with others, there will be hurt feelings, disagreements, tension, old wounds being activated, or misunderstandings. Having disagreements doesn’t mean that a relationship is unhealthy. What’s more important is how you move through the conflict. Having strong conflict resolutions skills correlate with the happiness of the relationship.

Here are some of my favorite books on sexuality

Many couples struggle with vanishing intimacy, feelings of boredom, routine, and reduced sexual connections over time, sometimes leading to thoughts of breaking up or taking other steps to bring intimacy and connection into their lives. There are a multitude of reasons for relationship breakdown, but what follows is a discussion of one that is frequently overlooked.

Sexual fantasy is the mind’s way of building resilience, protecting the self and going to a place of healing that may be otherwise inaccessible. The theory behind Core Erotic Themes is ultimately strengths-based. These desires and sexual fantasies are the brain’s way to respond to unmet needs and create emotional resilience.

Gridlock is something that happens to virtually every intimate relationship. It could happen over the course of a few months or over many years, but many couples get to this place of gridlock, this can’t-live-with-you-can’t-live-without-you place of enmeshment. This is also known as codependency. Fortunately, there are guidelines for how to get into a healthier relationship space.